


Some Sort of Happy

by Cats_Dont_Float



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abusive Dave's Bro | Beta Dirk Strider, Angst and Feels, Bro being an asshole, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Pale-Red Vacillation, Quadrant Vacillation, Valentine's Day, Valentine's Day Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:07:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22669774
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cats_Dont_Float/pseuds/Cats_Dont_Float
Summary: It's Valentine's Day, and Karkat's got plans, but Dave's having a bad day. Karkat's pale instincts kick in and he looks after his boyfriend until he's feeling better again.
Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas
Comments: 6
Kudos: 117





	Some Sort of Happy

Dave wakes up with a start, not sure what’s woken him but already feeling adrenaline rushing through his veins as his heart starts to race. He glances around the room wildly for a few seconds, desperately blinking away the tired blurriness from his vision as his hand grasps beside him for a sword that’s not there. And the lack of metal against his fingers brings him crashing back to reality. He’s not in Texas anymore, not waking up to another day of strifing in the heat up on the roof and tiptoeing around avoiding puppets and traps. He’s on Earth C. And he’s not living with Bro, he’s living with Karkat. And then he realises that it’s not only a sword that’s missing from his bed. Karkat’s missing too.

He’s up and out of bed in seconds, swaying slightly as all the blood rushes from his head but not stopping to steady himself just racing out of the room with blurry eyes and a throbbing head as a thousand thoughts rush through his head. Did something happen to Karkat overnight? Was he hurt, or taken away, whilst Dave was too busy sleeping like a selfish, selfish idiot. He knows not to sleep through the whole night. Knows he has to get up every few hours just to check everything’s okay. He has to. He has to. Because things like this happen if he doesn’t, and it was Karkat that told him he should let himself get some proper sleep and now it’s Karkat that’s in trouble but it’s all Dave’s fault and he shouldn’t have listened and… Unless…. Unless Karkat wasn’t taken. What if he left? What if he left Dave?

This thought stops Dave in his tracks, right at the top of the stairs.

And it’s this thought that sends Dave crumbling to his knees and collapsing into a tiny little ball on the floor.

Because of course Karkat left him. Of course he did. What else did he expect to happen? Dave’s too needy, too riddled with problems and anxiety, too much of a pain for Karkat to keep looking after him. Karkat wants rom-com level romance and huge romantic gestures and impromptu trips to Europe or something like that, not a clingy, dependant boyfriend who can barely hold hands with him in public without having a panic attack some days.

Dave crumples further in on himself, bites back a sob that shakes his shoulders and forms a huge lump in the back of his throat, and presses the side of his face into the carpet, hating how scratchy it is against his cheek but not daring to lift his head from there. If he were still living in Texas, Bro would’ve found him here by now and kicked his ass for crying. He can almost hear his Bro's voice in his head. ( _‘Real men don’t cry, Dave, why are you crying?_ ’) But he's not living with Bro. And he’s not living with Karkat either. He’s alone, all alone. And he should have expected this.

Footsteps move somewhere downstairs, and he flinches, though his tired, anxious brain doesn't register the sounds for what they are. They move closer, up the steps, and Dave’s already shaking with repressed sobs and fear, but now it only gets worse, and it takes him more effort than should be normal to move his hands and press them over his face. Whoever’s coming, whatever they’re planning to do, he wishes they’d just get it over and done with.

And then a voice. Soft and gentle and warm and scratchy in all the right places.

“Dave? Oh fuck. Dave.”

It’s Karkat. He’d know that voice anywhere. But it can’t be. He’s just dreaming, just hallucinating, just hoping. And he refuses to look up, refuses to be greeted by the sight of an empty hallway in place of where his boyfriend’s concerned face should be.

“Dave, oh, Dave,” the voice says, panicked, fretting, “Dave. Babe, please, just sit on up for me.”

And Dave’s too weak. Always too weak. And so he can’t help just raising his head up a little, blinking away the tears that are stinging his eyes. And he’s greeted by… Karkat?

“K-kar…” Dave mumbles as he stares straight into the wide, unblinking eyes that are staring at him, the faintest hint of red-tinted tears just starting to build up in the corners of his eyes.

“Hey,” Karkat says quietly, “What happened?”

Dave can’t form the words to explain,still can’t understand that he’s here, that Karkat didn’t leave him. Why would he stay?

“Okay,” Karkat murmurs as Dave tries to speak and lets out a little hiccupping sob, “Don’t try and speak for now. Just nod or shake your head for me. Are you okay with physical contact right now?”

Dave doesn’t know the answer to that one. He shrugs as best as he can in the position he’s in right now, and when Karkat slowly holds out a hand, eyebrows raised questioningly, Dave nods slowly. Karkat reaches out, and puts his hand on Dave’s arm, not too heavily but not too faintly either. Grounding but not aggressive. For a second it’s okay. Dave almost appreciates the contact, but then Karkat’s grip starts to feel like a vice, like a trap he’s clamped in, like he’s never going to get away. Dave jerks his arm back. His elbow smashes into the wooden banister next to him, pain exploding in little fireworks down his arm, and a fresh wave of tears rolls down his face. He’s weak, so so so weak. ( _‘Real men don’t cry. Real men don’t cry’_ ).

Karkat’s hand has retreated now, and is picking at the sleeve of his sweater with bitten nails. His face is scrunched slightly, sacred, confused, sad. Dave feels a pang of guilt for making him feel like that.

“Okay, no touch,” Karkat murmurs, maybe to himself, maybe to Dave, it’s hard to tell, “Can I stay or do you need to be alone?”

“Stay!” The word practically explodes out of Dave’s mouth, angry and sad and desperate.

“Okay, okay, I’m not going anywhere,” Karkat murmurs soothingly, “I’m here for as long as you need me.”

He always needs Karkat. Always, and he wants to tell him this. But then he feels bad about it. Feels bad that he’s so dependant, that Karkat must feel so trapped by him. Why hasn’t he left him yet? Dave lets out a broken sob, and Karkat’s face creases further with worry.

“Ssssh,” Karkat hushes softly, “You’re okay.” His hands hover awkwardly just in front of him. Karkat’s never been so good with words. He’s better with actions, knows just how to touch Dave to calm him down and comfort him and get him feeling all loose and relaxed in that way that he utterly relates to Karkat and Karkat only. He only wishes there weren’t times like this when Karkat’s touch sickens him just as much as it relieves him.

“Can you speak right now?” Karkat asks after a few moments, Dave opens his mouth, thinks on that one for a bit, then nods. Speech isn’t so bad right now. Sound isn’t too bad, not if it’s safe sound, just voices he knows, voices that are his and Karkat’s and no one else’s.

“I thought you left me,” he says eventually, when he figures out how to make his voice leave his throat, and then suddenly it’s like the words won’t stop coming. “I woke up and I was all alone and it was like Texas. But then there was no sword so it wasn’t Texas and it was here. But it was here without you and I thought you left and I didn’t know what to do because I don’t wanna be alone. I can’t be alone. I can’t be without you Kat I love you and I don’t want to live without you and I don’t know what to do and I-”

He cuts himself off with a shuddering gasp for air, clenching his hands into fists on the scratchy carpet, scarred knuckles turning white.

“Oh, you’re so silly,” Karkat says, but it’s said so fondly, and Dave knows insults are Karkat’s own version of petnames. “Oh you lovely, silly thing. I’d never leave you, never never never.”

And now it’s Karkat’s turn to cry, pale red tears sliding down his cheeks and off of his chin, dripping onto the carpet below, and that’s probably going to stain but neither of them care. There are tear stains all over this house, a testament to how good the two of them have been at convincing the other that it’s okay to cry, okay to have feelings, okay to not be okay.

“I only went downstairs for a few minutes. I’m sorry, I should have thought -”

“No,” Dave cuts Karkat off, “No. I’m stupid. I’m stupid and I-I shouldn’t have o-overreacted.”

“Sssh,” Karkat murmurs again, “You didn’t overreact. C’mon, don’t be so hard on yourself.” He swallows back another wave of tears as she shuffles slightly too make the awkward crouching position he’s in just a little more comfortable hands fidgeting awkwardly on the carpet again. “Oh, Dave,” he sighs as Dave sniffles again, “I don’t know how to help you right now.”

“Talk,” Dave grunts, “Please. Distract me.”

“Okay,” Karkat says with a nod, “Okay I can do that. I talk, you breathe. Okay?”

Dave nods an affirmative, and then slowly takes in a deep breath, just like Rose taught him to do all those years ago on the meteor, letting it out slowly and taking in another as Karkat starts to speak.

“It’s your human Valentine’s day today,” he says softly, “I remembered you and Rose talking about it, and so I thought I’d learn a bit. You know I love an excuse to watch a human romcom or two. I just wanted to surprise you with something, that’s all I was doing downstairs. I should’ve known not to panic you, I’m so sorry.”

Dave blinks in surprise at that. Karkat was planning Valentine’s Day? His boyfriend was planning a romantic surprise for him, and he thought he’d left him. Dave’s feeling guilty again, guilty for ever thinking that of Karkat.

“Sorry,” Dave mutters.

“For what?” Karkat asks, “It’s not your fault.”

“Sorry for being a sucky boyfriend. For you not being able to be all cute and romantic and shit because I’m so bad at everything.”

“Dave, no!” Karkat snaps, and then winces when Dave flinches at the sudden outburst of noise. “No,” he says again, voice dropping to a whisper, “I don’t care about any of that. I don’t care. I don’t need big romantic stuff if I’ve got you. You’re all I care about, you’re all I need. Promise me you’ll always remember that, okay?”

“I… I promise,” Dave murmurs quietly, “But Kat I…”

“Ssh, it’s all okay,” Karkat says, “Just focus on breathing for now.”

Karkat draws in a deep slow breath and then exhales it, and Dave catches on quickly, copying the next breath of Karkat’s and breathing in with him. They breathe in and and out together for the next ten minutes or so, until Dave’s back to almost regular breathing without even focusing on it.

“Hey,” Karkat whispers after a while, “Can you stand up?”

Dave nods, and slowly gets up, Karkat smiling and nodding encouragingly at him, and then getting up to his own feet. Karkat stands just a little while away, and Dave’s grateful for that, still not quite ready for any hands on him just yet. And when Karkat turns and starts to make his way downstairs, Dave doesn’t even have to be told to follow him, just stumbles exhaustedly after his boyfriend as he heads towards the living room.

He stops in the doorway to the living room.

There’s a pile on the floor, just in front of the tv, made of pillows and blankets and random items of clothing, as well as some things Dave can’t quite make out from where he’s standing.

“Go sit down,” Karkat murmurs to him quietly, “Your weighted blanket is in there somewhere. I’ll get you some water.”

“T-thanks,” Dave murmurs, probably too quiet to be heard, a little overwhelmed by all of this. Even so he wanders to the pile and climbs awkwardly into it, easily finding his red weighted blanket on top of it all and pulling it around his shoulders. Under its weight he feels his shoulders slump as he relaxes slightly, and he burrows further into the soft pile, grasping one corner of the blanket in his hand and raising it up to rub it against his face gently. The texture’s nice, and familiar, and he lets out a tired sigh of relief as he feels more of that residual anxiety and adrenaline fade away.

“Here, babe,” Karkat murmurs as he walks back into the room, crouching in front of Dave and holding out a glass of water a little cautiously. Dave takes it, and sees the way Karkat winces when their fingers brush just slightly. But it’s okay. The contact still feels a little weird, sending little prickles up and down Dave’s arms, but it’s not totally unpleasant, and so he just nods at Karkat and lifts the glass up to take a few shaky sips.

“Do you need anything else?” Karkat asks.

Dave looks up slowly. And now that the anxiety’s passed, now he realises he’s not about to be attacked or be left alone for the rest of eternity, there’s only one thing he really wants.

“Just stay with me. Please,” he whispers. And Karkat nods and lowers himself down onto this knees, shuffling a little further forwards towards Dave.

“Contact?” Karkat asks.

“I think it’s okay now. Try it,” Dave says quietly, nervously, wanting nothing more than to be wrapped up in Karkat’s arms right now and hoping the contact won’t send him spiralling again.

Karkat reaches out a hand, slow and hesitant, cautious. He lets it fall slowly, palm flat, against Dave’s upper arm, and when it doesn’t feel wrong Dave lets out a sigh of relief and nods and Karkat slides both his arms around Dave’s shoulders. Their position’s a little weird though, and so Dave sets the glass of water down on the floor and then shuffles backwards, until both of them are laying down together in the pile. Karkat nuzzles his face into Dave’s shoulder gently, butting his jaw against Dave’s collarbone a few times as Dave opens up the weighted blanket and wraps it tighter around both of them. For a few moments Dave’s silent, pressing his eyes tightly closed as Karkat continues to rub his jaw and chin against Dave’s shoulder in that strange way that Dave knows to be some sort of troll sign of love. It’s possessive almost, some way of Karkat marking Dave as his own, and it’s adorable, really, and Dave feels safe again as he hears the start of a soft purr start to rumble in Karkat’s chest.

“So so flushed for you,” Karkat mumbles, lips gently brushing Dave’s skin in a way that makes him shiver faintly. “I’m never leaving you. Okay? Never. Never. Never.” He continues to mumble, punctuating each ‘never’ with a small kiss,trailing kisses up Dave’s neck and along his jaw. And Dave’s glad he’s okay with contact right now, because he knows they both need this, knows Karkat needs to comfort him as much as needs to be comforted by Karkat.

“I love you too,” Dave says quietly after a few moments have passed and Karkat’s mumbling has faded away to nothing but a rumbling purr. And Karkat knocks one horn gently against Dave’s temple before fumbling to press a clumsy kiss to his lips.

Karkat’s hands slowly drift upwards from where they’ve been resting on Dave’s hips, brushing over the soft material of the loose shirt Dave sleeps in, fingers ghosting gently over the raises scars on his arms, and then back to Dave’s sides to slip under his shirt cautiously and slowly swirl patterns across the expanse of Dave’s skin. With a small, contented sigh, Dave drops his head forwards to rest his chin between Karkat’s horns, his own hands drumming a slow beat against Karkat’s back in time to the ticking in the back of his head that’s always there but is always more prominent on the bad days.

“Hey,” Dave says, “I’m sorry I fucked up your Valentine’s plans. I always fuck things up for you and -”

“Ssh,” Karkat hushes, “You didn’t do anything wrong. Now shoosh and cuddle, okay?”

“Mmh, okay,” Dave hums quietly. He’s still not happy, still so sure that this is his fault, that he doesn’t deserve this, doesn’t deserve Karkat, but he falls silent again as Karkat continues to nuzzle him, purring gently the whole time. Everything about the way he comforts him is so alien, so far from human, so different to anything Dave’s ever experienced with anyone before. But maybe it’s the strangeness of the whole affair that makes it so comforting, because when Karkat’s so different to everyone else Dave knows, it's hard to link him to any of the bad past memories. It’s just hard to believe he deserves to call Karkat his, though.

Eventually Karkat untangles himself from Dave, extracts himself from the pile slowly, and heads away to the kitchen returning with snacks, a small pile of movies, and a novel; it’s everything they need for their usual ritual for bad days like these. And now Dave’s calmer, practically melting back into Karkat’s arms the second he returns to the room, it’s easy for him to relax as the opening of a familiar movie plays and the scent of fresh popcorn fills the room.

They watch for hours. The exhaustion that always follows the panic comes, and Dave drifts in and out of sleep during the movie marathon, waking up every time to find Karkat looking down at him with his eyes wide and soft and filled with some kind of emotion that Dave can’t quite read.

“What?” Dave murmurs tiredly after waking up to find Karkat looking at him like that once again, “What’s with the dopey look?”

Karkat huffs faintly, and lets out a hum of thought whilst pressing a kiss to Dave’s forehead, dragging out the answer like he always does, teasing just a little bit. “I don’t like it when you’re sad,” he says eventually.

“I know,” Dave murmurs quietly, instantly feeling that guilt again, “But you like looking after me.”

“Mmh, true,” Karkat says softly, and then leans in to kiss Dave again, soft and slow and so so gentle. So unlike how Karkat usually is but so warmly familiar too.

Dave reaches up a hand to the back of Karkat’s head, threading his fingers through the troll’s fluffy hair and using the position to gently pull Karkat further towards him, deepening the kiss. The troll’s not expecting it, and lets out a squeak of surprise against Dave’s lips, but then sinks into it, one hand falling from Dave’s side to rest on his thigh instead. He gently catches Dave’s lower lip with his fangs, nipping slightly until he hears Dave gasp, and then pulls back, to find Dave grinning up at him.

“Why’d you stop?” Dave asks.

“Just wanted to check you’re okay,” Karkat hums softly, rubbing his thumb in circles on Dave’s thigh and smiling softly as the human’s skin flushes faintly.

“Never been better,” Dave says, reaching up to cup Karkat’s face.

Karkat jokingly swats Dave’s hand away. “You’re lying,” he says.

“Maybe,” Dave shrugs, “But… I’m never really okay and I’m sick of it getting in the way of things.”

Karkat stares up at him for a few seconds with a fond smile, then nods. “Alright,” he says, “are you, uh, up for going out of the house in a few hours?”

“Why?” Dave narrows his eyebrows.

“I, uh, mayb have sorta booked a fancy restaurant for us,” Karkat admits.

“Ugh, you’re so sweet. Why do I deserve you?” Dave huffs, and even though he’s joking he can feel that familiar anxiety still eating away at the edge of his mind. Karkat fixes him with a stern glare, and Dave knows he picked up on that self-deprecating joke.“I mean, uh, yeah that sounds good I guess.”

Karkat grins in relief. Then he leans in and kisses Dave again, a chaste brush of his lips against Dave’s that’s more of a tease than anything. “Good,” he whispers, breath fanning out across Dave’s face, “‘Cos I was gonna wear a suit.”

Dae feels his face flush again, and drops a hand across his face. “God I love you,” he groans. And when Karkat holds out a hand to help him up to his feet, he takes it with what’s almost confidence and stands up with only the slightest bit of hesitance.

It’s funny, he thinks, how he can have such bad moments and such good moments all within one day. It’s overwhelming, almost. But as long as Karkat really isn’t going to leave him, then he’s pretty sure he can get through it all, no matter what the world throws at him.

“Hey, Karkat,” Dave says with a smile, “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

**Author's Note:**

> me, spending valentine's day alone as per usual and filling the void with fanfiction? more likely than you'd think.  
> i really did try to actually write a happy fic for this one but my love for angst hopped out again.


End file.
